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I get asked to conduct marriage workshops, which I love.
However, I often think about a saying of my grandmother, “You can’t end right, if you don’t start right.”
So, I would love to conduct a single or “courting” workshop.
Perhaps, it would help people get off to a good start.
It seems that a lot of times, we are not paying attention to how people act while we are dating.
Think of the dating phase as the rehearsal for a marriage, with one exception.
The exception is that marriage rarely makes people act better.
That’s right – I said it!
You get the better behaved version of the guy, while you are dating!
Here’s a statement that you don’t hear a lot, “OMG, he treats me so much better now that I am his wife.”
So, if you don’t like some of the things that he is doing while you are dating, then you really won’t like them when you are married.
Here are some things to pay attention to when dating:
How interested is he in what you have to say?
Yes, men may want to talk about themselves to impress you. However, pay attention to how interested he is in when it is your turn to talk. Does he ask questions about what you are passionate about? Get excited if he is interested but also thinks of ways that he can support you. Don’t get excited, if hejust seems to wait for you to stop talking so that he can get back to himself.
How does he describe his ex?
If all of his ex- girlfriends (and/ or wives) are crazy and he’s the abused angel in every situation, then it may be a good idea to back away slowly. Even if you believe that he could be the victim of just picking the wrong one, the common denominator is him. You have to wonder how he keeps drawing the same person. It takes two people to make a relationship. If he’s able to show some insight into his part of the relationship, that’s good. If he can take some ownership into why things went bad, that’s even better. You don’t want to end up having wasted your time, just becoming the next crazy ex-girlfriend he describes on a date.
How he treats his children?
The best thing about dating a man with children is you can see in real time how they parent. Many moons ago I went out with a young man in my church with two children. There were many questionable things about him, but one of the thing I noticed was that he rarely had his children. He didn’t talk about them and he didn’t seem interested in talking about them. You may think, well, that is a man thing. If a man isn’t interested in spending time with children that he already has, then why would he make a good father to any children that he has with you? Selah!
What did his mama do or not do?
Here is some old school truth: mamas lay the ground work. Whatever his mama did or did not do creates the baseline of his expectations. If his Mama worked a full-time job and made a homemade meal every night, then it is most likely that sets his expectations. So, have real conversations about expectation. Also, pay attention if he has any hurts from his mother. For instance, if his mother left the family then he could have real fears of abandonment or trust issues.
The Main Thing
The main thing is to be in prayer. If you are anxious for the happy ever after, then you may want to overlook some warning signs or gut feelings. Remember, this is the rest of your one precious life, so pay attention.
I would love to hear your best advice. It would mean a lot if you would list it in the comments.
For Your Consideration:
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