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Lysa TerKeurst, also known as the Proverbs31 Woman, who runs an awe-inspiring ministry that has blessed many people is getting a divorce.
As a recap, TerKeurst founded an awesome ministry that served many women. She is a warrior when it comes to fighting for marriage.
Terkeurst was married to her husband for over 20 years and she recently shared that they are divorcing because of his refusal to be faithful and abstain from substance abuse.
As a Christian, when I hear of someone of faith getting through a divorce, I feel a twinge of pain. It’s like seeing a warrior go down.
I believe in marriage and not like the way I believe that unicorns existed, but I believe that is a real thing that is viable and doable.
Because she is well known, her divorce sparked lots of conversation and basically noise.
I usually avoid noise and not like the way that I avoid candy, but I truly try to distance myself.
However, there were a lot of things spoken on Facebook and written in blogs that were ….mmm….not helpful to anybody, anywhere.
I don’t know TerKeurst, but I imagine that a divorce (which is akin to a death) is so painful to survive and then to have people make such hurtful comments, must be like having salt poured into a wound.
The following are some things to consider:
1- A marriage is between two people – only!
(Okay, a lot of people say God is the third person, but He ain’t in everybody’s marriage.) A lot of the comments that people made about her marriage were judgmental. People commenting on her quitting and not fighting. People stating what she coulda-woulda-shoulda done. There are only two people in a marriage and only those two people know what happened, so how is it helpful to speculate on what else that could have been done?
2- Apparently, girls rule the world and marriages.
I was annoyed that a lot of comments blamed just her. People stated that she should have stayed to save him. People said she should have been stronger….blah, blah, blah. I didn’t see any comments that stated anything like, “It’s a shame that he couldn’t be a better husband or stronger man” or “It’s sad that as a husband he led them to this place.” Why is it always so easy to blame the woman? Why does blame have to be a part of it all? Laying blame rarely helps things move forward.
3- Milk shouldn’t be the only thing that does the body good.
Some of the comments almost seemed like attacks. I even saw a comment that stated she should not do any type of ministry any more. I like to compare the body of Christ to our own bodies. If my knee gets injured, I don’t criticize my knee and state it has no use anymore. No, I care for my injured part. I nurse it back to health. I support it until it can function better. I don’t tell it how disappointed I am, but I recognize that I need this member. If we are all a part of the body of Christ, when we see a member that is hurt, why don’t we support that person? Why don’t we see how we can love them through?
4- Take it as a call to action!
Divorces are more real than unicorns. Relationships take more than love. It takes intentional and purposeful hard work. If you are married, take this opportunity to look at your own spouse and ask, “What should we be working on?”
Marriage is like a garden and in a garden there is always, always something that needs to be tended to. As a Prepare/Enrich facilitator, I highly recommend that you do a Couple Check Up at www.prepare-enrich.com. This simple process allows an opportunity to pay attention to your marriage – where are you strong as well as where you can do some work.
5- We don’t know the end, we only know that it is good.
TerKeurst says that God released her. Who can argue with that? Apparently, a lot of people do. However, we don’t know her story nor the plan that God has for her. It’s possible that they could get divorced and then re-married. I know two couples that have divorced and then reconciled. Both couples are still married to each other (Unicorns are real!). It’s also possible that they stay single and get used by God in a greater capacity. She may even get married to someone else and get her happy ever after. Who knows? The Scripture says that God knows our expected end and His thoughts towards us are good.
When we see someone go down in battle, does it mean that they didn’t believe in the cause? Does it mean that they didn’t fight a good fight? The only thing that we really know is that they both could use some prayer and love. So, let’s send that out them.